The Interview
By Matthew Guthrie
“ We are healthy only to the extent that our ideas are humane. ”
— Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
CHARACTERS
Man: Mid 30s
Interviewer: Mid 30s
Woman: Late 20s
Native: Mid 30s
Ghost ∞
SETTING
An office. There is a desk and two chairs.
(SCENE : The INTERVIEWER walks in to the office with a file in his hand. He sits down at the chair on the right. He opens the file and takes out two pieces of paper. He closes the file. He begins to read the two pieces of paper. After he has spent some time on the second page, there is a knock on the door.)
INTERVIEWER
Yes.
(There is a pause and after a few moments there is another knock on the door.)
YES! Come in.
(It is the MAN. He pokes his head in between the door and the door jamb.)
MAN
Is this where my interview is?
INTERVIEWER
Probably. What is your name?
MAN
It is probably not that important right now.
(The INTERVIEWER looks at the first page)
INTERVIEWER
How will I know you are you?
(The MAN steps quickly into the room, walks over to the desk , leans over and looks at the pages.)
MAN
That’s me…on paper anyway.
INTERVIEWER
Have a seat.
MAN
Okay.
(The MAN sits down. The INTERVIEWER and the MAN look at each other for a few moments.)
Thank you for inviting me here today.
INTERVIEWER
You’re welcome. I am hoping that we can have an above-board conversation.
MAN
Is that how we are going to start this?
INTERVIEWER
How do you mean?
MAN
You could have said “My Pleasure” or “Thank you” but you said “You’re welcome.”
(Pause.)
And then you said something else.
(Pause.)
But I forgot…it must not have made an impression on me.
INTERVIEWER
And? Your point…
MAN
Do you think that you are doing me a favor? Or, do you think that this is not an equal arrangement?
INTERVIEWER
I think that we are offering a position for the right candidate. If you don’t want the position you don’t have to interview. That really isn’t the way you want to start an interview.
MAN
Back to my question do you think this is an equal arrangement?
INTERVIEWER
Candidly?
MAN
Of course.
INTERVIEWER
Probably not.
MAN
Why do you say that?
INTERVIEWER
Because we are offering the job and as a result that we have the upper hand.
MAN
Well. You do have to get someone to do the job.
(There is a pause.)
INTERVIEWER
That’s right.
MAN
You have to be certain you have found the right person?
INTERVIEWER
That’s right.
(The INTERVIEWER looks down at the pages he is holding.)
Do you want to get started? My admin had us slated for Noon.
MAN
Go ahead.
(The MAN sits back relaxed in his chair.)
INTERVIEWER
What’s your availability?
MAN
What does that mean?
INTERVIEWER
When can you start? It says here you have been out of work for over a year.
MAN
That’s right.
INTERVIEWER
Why so long?
MAN
A year is long?
INTERVIEWER
How do you make a living?
MAN
What are you asking me?
INTERVIEWER
How do you live with no work for a year?
MAN
Probably the same as you.
INTERVIEWER
Did you choose to not work for a year?
MAN
That’s right.
(There is a pause.)
I’ll share with you that the last job I did took care of me pretty well.
INTERVIEWER
What was it exactly?
MAN
It’s hard to explain.
INTERVIEWER
Try me.
(The MAN stands up and walks around thinking. Finally he stops and makes a pose like he is a Fashion model.)
MAN
You’ve walked by a magazine stand before right? Looked at the covers? Always the same people right? What’s in those magazines? What kind of impression do they leave?
(Pause.)
Same thing here. I walked in; you immediately had an impression of me from what I looked like? What was it? Did you think you wanted to give me a job based on what I looked like?
INTERVIEWER
Are you talking about a beauty contest?
MAN
If that’s what you call it, yes. What do I look like? Do I look like the kind of a person you would want to give a job too?
INTERVIEWER
Honestly?
MAN
Yes, of course.
INTERVIEWER
Yes you do. You look like you fit the part.
MAN
How do I sound so far?
INTERVIEWER
What do you mean?
MAN
Have I said everything right?
INTERVIEWER
So far?
MAN
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
You’ve said everything right so far.
MAN
Ok, well, then you will find this interesting.
(The is a loud knocking on a door and then enter the WOMAN. She carries a leather portfolio. She reaches into it as she walks toward the two men and pulls out a few legal size pieces of paper. She is dressed smartly, but scholarly, like a teacher.)
WOMAN
Hello!
INTERVIEWER
Sorry but we are having a meeting here and reserved the room. Maybe you are looking for someone else?
WOMAN
I’m here for the teaching position?
INTERVIEWER
We are not looking to hire any teachers.
WOMAN
How do you know that?
INTERVIEWER
Because I’m the one who hires.
WOMAN
Well what are you looking to hire?
INTERVIEWER
Tell you what, how about you look into something else, like modeling, or acting, get your head shots taken? You look like you would do well in entertainment.
(The WOMAN leaves abruptly.)
Apologize for that interruption. Where were we?
MAN
She was not a problem.
(Pause.)
People have these discussions, and, would it surprise you if I told you that it is all based on what sounds right? I mean, we could have an entire discussion based in leveraging the situation. For example, you could tell me that your company fires people 6 months after they hire them based on if they fit in or not. I could then say, well, do you think that I will fit in? You would say, “yes, I think so.” I would say how about for 12 months? You could say anything to this like “probably or, I don’t know”. The result of all this is nothing, it establishes nothing. You might or might not know why you even said that in the first place.
INTERVIEWER
Said what?
MAN
That your company fires people after 6 months.
INTERVIEWER
Ok.
MAN
So does it?
INTERVIEWER
Does what? My company fire people after 6 months? Yes, it does.
MAN
Ok, good to know.
INTERVIEWER
We also give promotions in 6 months.
MAN
A promotion is confirmation of your mental illness
INTERVIEWER
We’re not here to make friends.
MAN
Thank goodness for that.
(Pause.)
How did your company do last year?
INTERVIEWER
What do you mean?
MAN
You know what I mean. On paper.
INTERVIEWER
We had a banner year.
(Pace changes. MAN responds immediately.)
MAN
You had a banner year! Big bucks!?
INTERVIEWER
That’s right.
(Pace returns to previous.)
That’s why we are here.
INTERVIEWER
Do you know why we are here?
MAN
I know why we are here.
(Pause.)
Do you know why I am here?
INTERVIEWER
I think so. Why don’t you tell me why you are here?
(Pause.)
In your words.
MAN
I’m banking that you’re going to know this. You’ll find out on your own. It may take you a lifetime or you may find out sooner than that. You may find out next year for all I know. But sooner is better I would say.
INTERVIEWER
Why don’t you just tell me?
MAN
Then the interview would be over. Is that you want?
INTERVIEWER
Eventually. But sooner is probably better like you say.
MAN
So what else do we have to cover?
INTERVIEWER
Can we go over your resume?
MAN
Sure, but it is not going to tell you what you want to know.
INTERVIEWER
Well, let’s go over it anyway.
(Reads the paper.)
It says here that you belong to the Huntsman Club?
MAN
That’s right.
INTERVIEWER
We have several employees here who belong to the Huntsman Club.
MAN
You should get rid of them, they will only do you harm.
INTERVIEWER
Well, why did you put this on your resume if the people are so awful?
MAN
Because I belong there.
INTERVIEWER
Please elaborate.
MAN
(MAN leans forward.)
Happy to. The club requires certain characteristics, these are what makes me a good member: I am mentally alert; I am able to draw solid conclusions based on my conversation; I can demonstrate a high degree of intellectual depth in my conversation; I have used good judgment and common sense and planning my life; I havestrong problem solving capabilities; I respond well to stress and pressure. I have strong decision-making capabilities and effectively take action.
INTERVIEWER
What is so awful about any of that?
MAN
(Leaning back in his chair.)
Have you ever been attacked by a blackbird?
INTERVIEWER
How do you mean?
MAN
Have you ever been attacked?
INTERVIEWER
No. What do you mean by a blackbird?
MAN
There was a banker who lived in my neighborhood. He had stones gates to his driveway entrance. This blackbird used to perch on the entrance. Was never sure if it was his bird, someone else’s or what it was doing there. It began attacking anyone who got near it, the mailman, delivery people, women and children walking by. Finally I had enough and walked over and murdered it. I didn’t shoot it; I caught it in a net, slammed it to the pavement then stomped on it until it was nothing but birdbrains, blood and feathers.
(Pause.)
I still have the net.
INTERVIEWER
Well, that’s an interesting story but I think we may be getting off track here.
MAN
It’s not a story, it’s true.
INTERVIEWER
Ok. How about we get back to your resume.
MAN
Sure.
INTERVIEWER
So you belong to the Huntsman club. It looks like 9 or, 10 years.
MAN
That’s right. Amazing club, do you know it?
INTERVIEWER
A little. I have had dinner there.
MAN
So you’re not a member?
INTERVIEWER
No. We did do a background check on it once.
MAN
Really? What did you find?
INTERVIEWER
They have an unusual membership. Many people who operate out of society’s, shall we say…rules. They even have several criminals in their ranks.
MAN
How do you know that?
INTERVIEWER
Well, I knew that before the background check.
MAN
Do you want to share with me who they are and what they did?
INTERVIEWER
Well, there is a lot there.
MAN
That’s ok, I have time.
INTERVIEWER
There are several people who spent time in prison. There are several suspected conspirators against the foundations of our society.
MAN
Foundations of our society? Sounds like Feudalism in the Middle Ages of Britian.
INTERVIEWER
That’s not what I’m talking about.
MAN
Do you know what you are talking about?
(There is a knock at the door. The WOMAN enters wearing attractive clothes and walks with confidence.)
WOMAN
I’m looking for a role in entertainment.
INTERVIEWER
Again, Miss, you have the wrong room.
WOMAN
Didn’t you say earlier that you are hiring someone in entertainment?
INTERVIEWER
No, I said that might be a good place for you to look. We are definitely not hiring anyone in entertainment.
WOMAN
What are you hiring for?
INTERVIEWER
Nothing that fits you.
WOMAN
Are you sure?
INTERVIEWER
Sure.
WOMAN
So you can’t tell me what roles you are looking to fill?
INTERVIEWER
Well are not hiring but it seems you are heading in the right direction. Have you considered a career in modeling?
WOMAN
What do you mean?
INTERVIEWER
Modeling clothes. Maybe you should consider another change of clothes, get your portfolio together and maybe you can get work having your photos taken for swimsuits or something?
MAN
Have you heard about the Huntsman club? We are always looking for members?
WOMAN
Yes and ok! Let me think about that and I’ll get back to you.
(The WOMAN leaves quickly not answering.)
INTERVIEWER
We are getting off track. You’re here to see if you are right for the job.
MAN
I am right for the job. What will it take for you to know it?
INTERVIEWER
One thing we will need is references.
MAN
I’m happy to provide you references. In fact I can have them come in soon if you like.
INTERVIEWER
We can call them.
MAN
Wouldn’t it be better if you could speak to them directly?
(INTERVIEWER looks at his watch.)
INTERVIEWER
I should remind you that this is an interview between us.
MAN
Of course. I was offering you the option to meet people from my club. It sounded like you have questions about them and I wanted to give you the opportunity to meet members from my team.
INTERVIEWER
We’re just interviewing you.
MAN
When you say “we’re” you mean your company, you and other people from your company.
INTERVIEWER
That’s correct.
MAN
Your team so to speak?
INTERVIEWER
That’s correct.
MAN
Thought it would be good if your team could meet my team?
INTERVIEWER
We are only interviewing you.
MAN
Ok. You’ll meet them eventually anyway.
INTERVIEWER
That would be great. So let’s move on shall we?
MAN
I’ll extend the invitation.
(Pause.)
You’re going to meet them one way or another, figure it would be a courtesy, to you.
(Pause. INTERVIEWER shuffles his papers, disapproves and acts unsettled.)
Did I upset you?
INTERVIEWER
I’m not interested in meeting members of your club at this point.
MAN
That is a very open ended thing to say don’t you think?
INTERVIEWER
We like to keep our options always open.
MAN
Just not meeting my friends?
INTERVIEWER
Not at this point.
MAN
Not at this point.
INTERVIEWER
Correct.
MAN
What would happen if they showed up?
INTERVIEWER
Why would they do that?
MAN
Like to keep options open.
(Pause.)
At this point.
INTERVIEWER
This is going nowhere.
MAN
You’d be surprised but it is.
INTERVIEWER
I don’t see it.
MAN
You can’t. No one can. But it is a physical fact that this is going forward.
(Pause.)
And you must wonder how long you can last?
INTERVIEWER
(Laughs.)
There is no end in sight.
MAN
None that you can see.
INTERVIEWER
What are you getting at?
MAN
Do you represent a money machine or a faith machine?
INTERVIEWER
There is no difference.
MAN
And that’s it?
INTERVIEWER
That’s it.
MAN
And you’re considering me to be part of this?
INTERVIEWER
That’s why you’re here. I mean your intention was to interview with us and join us? This is still your intention correct?
MAN
Well, we haven’t concluded anything at this point.
INTERVIEWER
If you haven’t concluded anything why are you here? I thought this is something that we are doing together?
MAN
You shouldn’t have that impression. This is never something that we would do together. There is nothing you can do about that. The more you talk the more you say nothing.
(Pause.)
Can you tell me about you and your company’s belief system?
INTERVIEWER
I…we think that our employees can believe whatever they like; we have no requirements for this.
MAN
That can’t be true. You probably have many worshippers within your confines. You probably have quite a hold on them? They probably don’t even know it.
INTERVIEWER
Our employees come here because this is what they do, nobody makes them come here.
MAN
Every day except weekends.
INTERVIEWER
Sometime even then! Come on, this is their livelihood. In fact they have had a banner year! What else would you propose?
MAN
I am not here to propose anything, that’s the last thing that I want to do. I’m here to solve your problems, not make proposals. That’s not why we are here.
(Pause.)
I didn’t get an answer on my question about your belief system.
INTERVIEWER
It’s really not up for discussion.
MAN
I really think you should meet my friends from the club. Just one or two? It would give you an unmistakable impression.
(Knock at the door and in comes the WOMAN wearing only undergarments. She walks and strikes a pose like a runway model.)
WOMAN
What do you think?
INTERVIEWER
We didn’t expect you to come back here. It was a suggestion. We don’t need swimsuit models here.
WOMAN
It’s lingerie.
MAN
I really would like to invite you to the Huntsman club. Here is my card.
(MAN hands the WOMAN a business card. She takes it and looks at it.)
WOMAN
Thank you.
INTERVIEWER
You should leave now. This is no place for you.
WOMAN
Well you are hiring right?
INTERVIEWER
Not for you, we have gone over this.
WOMAN
What are you hiring for, just tell me.
INTERVIEWER
The only thing I can tell you is that it has something to do with our military relationships.
WOMAN
Ok. Let me think about that and I’ll get back to you.
INTERVIEWER
No, wait!
(Yelling!)
Please do not come back!
(The WOMAN leaves quickly not answering.)
MAN
I really do think she would fit in at the club. How about I bring someone in?
INTERVIEWER
Again, thank you for the offer but this is between us I think. Don’t you think we should proceed?
MAN
Well, sure, but, they will definitely have an impact on you and your business whether you see them or not.
INTERVIEWER
We have a team here already; we are considering you as a member of the team.
MAN
Thanks for that. Then what?
INTERVIEWER
After we interview, you and me, I make recommendations to the team.
MAN
What recommendations are you going to make?
INTERVIEWER
I don’t know yet.
MAN
You don’t know…yet? You really don’t know?
(Pause)
How could you not know?
(Pause)
I know.
INTERVIEWER
At this juncture, I don’t know. After you interview with me, and I make recommendations, if it goes well we get buy-in from the team.
MAN
What are you talking about!? What did you say?
INTERVIEWER
After you interview with me, and I make recommendations, if it goes well we get buy-in from the team.
(Pause. MAN stands up.)
MAN
I heard you! What does that mean?
INTERVIEWER
What?
MAN
Buy in. What are you buying?
INTERVIEWER
It’s a phrase.
MAN
What’s it mean?
INTERVIEWER
Are you not familiar with the language?
MAN
I’m familiar with it.
(The door to the room opens. The INTERVIEWER looks up and over at it. The
MAN does not move.)
It might be a good idea that you don’t use that language.
(Pause.)
Not in this interview anyway.
INTERVIEWER
I don’t understand.
MAN
You have been using that language since the beginning of the interview. Then you went and said “buy-in”. Nothing is getting bought here.
INTERVIEWER
It’s only a term.
MAN
Have you ever been convicted?
INTERVIEWER
Of what?
MAN
Of anything?
INTERVIEWER
Not that I can share.
MAN
Accused of anything?
INTERVIEWER
Many things.
MAN
Like?
INTERVIEWER
Like?
MAN
Fraud?
(Pause. INTERVIEWER looks up at the MAN.)
INTERVIEWER
Well, yes.
(Pause and the INTERVIEWER looks down.)
MAN
How about manslaughter?
(Pause and the INTERVIEWER looks up again and fixes into a stare with the MAN.)
INTERVIEWER
Yes.
MAN
Do I want to work at a company like that?
INTERVIEWER
That’s why you’re here right? There are many reasons why you’re considering this. Security is big one. It’s possible that we could be here forever. That’s the attraction. We offer our employees lifetime employment. We can actually last longer than the employees. You must find that attractive, you must be thinking about that?
Who knows, you could become a major player?
MAN
Maybe.
(Pause.)
Suppose I was to join, would let people from the club come in?
INTERVIEWER
If they interviewed.
MAN
No, I mean just visit.
INTERVIEWER
We could do that.
(Pause.)
Hopefully they won’t be daunted by our history with fraud and manslaughter.
MAN
Actually, they probably already know about all that.
INTERVIEWER
Is there something you want to share? Something you or your friends know that I don’t. We do like to keep it all above board.
MAN
You said that before.
INTERVIEWER
It’s for everyone involved. For you to be brought onboard we need alignment on personnel from the get-go. We’re team-building here.
(Pause.)
MAN
You said it again. I think you are beginning to not know what you are talking about.
INTERVIEWER
What?
MAN
Team. You said team. When you say that it makes me sick to my stomach. I want to puke. If you have to say “team” the reality is it isn’t a team. You’re saying it as a reminder that you better get in line or your ass is in trouble. For those who disagree with anything the “team” is doing they are identified as being negative or are not aligned with the “team.” I read once when a manager said “we are happy to have him on the team” a week later the manager’s manager told him to “terminate” the former “team” member.
(Sings, robotically.)
Terminate the team member! Terminate the team member! Terminate the team member! Terminate the team member! Terminate! Terminate! Terminate! Terminate the team member! Terminate the team member! Terminate the team member!
LOVE THAT!
(Pause.)
So, as you can see…you’re suspect.
(Pause.)
Are you a team member?
INTERVIEWER
Yes.
MAN
When did you realize this?
INTERVIEWER
I have always been a team player.
MAN
I’m getting that.
(Pause.)
You realize the team will be the end of you?
INTERVIEWER
You have references don’t you? Former employers?
MAN
I have references, but they aren’t former employers, well, not mine anyway.
(Pause.)
Do you want to hear them?
INTERVIEWER
You can submit them in writing.
MAN
No, they are not my references. Here is one: Charles Ponzi White Star Lines RJ Reynolds.
(Pause.)
INTERVIEWER
That’s one?
MAN
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
That’s a long name.
MAN
And that was the abbreviated version.
INTERVIEWER
So where were we?
MAN
We were beginning to realize that you don’t know what you are talking about.
INTERVIEWER
A billion people would disagree with you.
MAN
That is the number nowadays?
(Pause. MAN stands and speaks, as if in a trance.)
Before I came here today a few of my friends asked me many questions about what was going to happen here. I didn’t really know what to tell them, I just knew that I would probably meet someone like you. It is a big universe you know, and a lot of time has passed and many worlds have existed here, on the earth.
(Pause. There is a deep drum beat. It beats slow. MAN still in a trance.)
There is light.
(Pause.)
The land is moving. The water is moving and is separating the land. The mountains are rising and are separating the land. The land is separating the water.
(Pause.)
There are living things.
(The MAN and the INTERVIEWER freeze. Enter the NATIVE, who is dressed in many forms, dirt, rock and water spill off. The NATIVE is also holding a torch. The NATIVE takes several steps forward, then several steps back, bows on one knee, makes an action of respect and humility.)
NATIVE
Life is here. But for an instant, it is a fire spark that disappears.
MAN
Nothing can change that. But this is what the world has given, and we should take it, freely.
NATIVE
The world is life and time.
(Pause.)
Our entire way of life will change—but it will never die, because it is of the spirit. It is a truth, and truth cannot die.[i]
(The NATIVE holds the flame high, takes several steps back and forth, offers an action of respect and humility. The NATIVE exits slowly during MUSIC: Native American Indian Remembrance (War Song)[ii]: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ByL0AMdkRqs
(MUSIC ends.)
(The two men unfreeze. The MAN takes his seat and sits down and faces the INTERVIEWER as before. They are not aware of what just transpired with the NATIVE.)
INTERVIEWER
So if we were to bring you on board, when would you be able to start?
MAN
When are you ready for a change?
INTERVIEWER
So you see yourself as a change agent?
MAN
That sounds about right.
(Pause.)
How much longer is this interview?
(The INTERVIEWER takes up a page from the file and studies it.)
INTERVIEWER
We have to cover the rules of employment.
- Once you join the company you cannot join another company.
- You can be terminated at any time and you can terminate yourself anytime.
2a. No one is held liable in such circumstances.
- You are not allowed to have feelings and if you succumb to this weakness you will not show them or mention them. People do this all the time but we highly discourage this.
- Anything you do is owned by the company.
- We highly encourage religious belief.
- We have a code of ethics that you should become familiar with but stealing is the best form of a compliment.
- Know that the company has been convicted of fraud and you should not be.
- Know that the company has been convicted of manslaughter and you should not be.
- Know that the company has many people who are certified insane and you should not be.
- The company should, for all intent and purposes, outlive you.
(The INTERVIEWER stops and puts the page down.)
All agreeable?
MAN
Is that it?
INTERVIEWER
Yes.
MAN
Sounds agreeable.
(Pause.)
Though I have a few questions.
INTERVIEWER
Go ahead.
MAN
Maybe you can advise on how to deal with the following?
INTERVIEWER
Go ahead.
MAN
Once at a headquarters where I was operating. Note that this was a company that made pressure products that required a sterile environment with a vacuum function to remove any excess waste or by-product. Several of the managers, after a period of several years developed a condition that was akin to their brains being sucked out of their skulls through their ears.
(Pause.)
What would you have me do in these circumstances?
INTERVIEWER
Did you take preventive measures?
MAN
Like?
INTERVIEWER
Did you provide them earplugs?
MAN
This was discouraged as they would not be able to hear.
INTERVIEWER
That makes sense; you probably did the right thing.
(Pause.)
What else? What happened to these managers?
MAN
Most of them lost their brains and could no longer fulfill their duties on the job. We formed a pool that would support them. Another pool was formed to hold the lost brain matter for further study in treating the condition.
(Pause.)
Have you encountered anything like this here?
INTERVIEWER
If that were true or not, I would not be able to share this information with you until you joined us at the company.
(The MAN stands up and walks behind the INTERVIEWER. The INTERVIEWER is uncomfortable with this and moves to see what the MAN is doing.)
MAN
It’s okay, hold still for a second.
(The MAN reaches gently for the INTERVIEWER’S head and turns it so that he can look into the INTERVIEWER’S ear.)
It appears that you may have a problem here.
INTERVIEWER
What are you talking about!?
MAN
Well, you have lost some use of your brain.
(INTERVIEWER pulls away and stands for the first time facing the MAN. The MAN laughs as the INTERVIEWER pulls away.)
INTERVIEWER
That’s not funny and I don’t appreciate what you are suggesting.
MAN
You can’t help but notice the tell-tale signs like the red marks and plastic particles in your ear well. You have either been itching this is your sleep or have had a doctor look at it recently.
INTERVIEWER
The doctor checked out fine.
MAN
So you did go to the doctor?
INTERVIEWER
Every six months.
MAN
Has anyone else from your company been checked for this loss of brain condition?
INTERVIEWER
You know I am not allowed to share that.
MAN
I want to know what I’m getting in to. This sort of thing is rampant and something has to be done about it. I’d rather have it fixed before I were to join you. In fact, maybe that is where we start; I could as a consultant and fix this problem as a first project?
(Pause.)
So do you want to do it this way?
INTERVIEWER
I don’t think so.
MAN
Things are changing around you. You must feel it?
INTERVIEWER
Feelings are discouraged here.
MAN
It was just a phrase, a use of words. So what would you like to do…have me focus on?
INTERVIEWER
We have to stay focused on the work. We have much to discover, manufacture and sell.
MAN
OK, but there is one thing I need you to do.
INTERVIEWER
What is that?
MAN
I need your help in solving a few things.
INTERVIEWER
Like what?
MAN
Need your resources to travel the speed of light.
INTERVIEWER
That is way out of our realm.
MAN
On the contrary, you are the only ones who can do it.
INTERVIEWER
What else?
MAN
Enable the world population to feed themselves.
INTERVIEWER
That is way out of our realm.
MAN
On the contrary, you are the only ones who can do it.
INTERVIEWER
What else?
MAN
Sustain our resources infinitely.
INTERVIEWER
That is way out of our realm.
MAN
On the contrary, you are the only ones who can do it.
INTERVIEWER
What else?
MAN
Make humans capable of living forever.
INTERVIEWER
That is way out of our realm.
MAN
On the contrary, you are the only ones who can do it.
INTERVIEWER
What else?
MAN
Discover what happens to humans after they die.
INTERVIEWER
We already know that.
MAN
No you don’t. You only know when you’re dead.
(VOICEOVER of GHOST.)
GHOST
How…
How do you…
How do you plan…
How do you plan to leave…
How do you plan to leave your body…
What…
What kind…
What kind of a death…
What kind of death will it be…
MAN
We will know our universe entirely. We will understand what life is entirely. You know?
(Pause.)
Have to apologize, sorry to say that if you have a loss of brain condition there is a chance time is running out and these problems will never be solved.
(Pause.)
I would like this to be my project for you as a consultant.
(Knock at the door. WOMAN enters dressed in camouflage, camouflage makeup and is carrying a high powered rifle. The INTERVIEWER crosses his legs.)
And I would like her to be my assistant!
WOMAN
I work alone.
INTERVIEWER
WE ARE NOT HIRING YOU!
WOMAN
I am not looking for a job. Want nothing …from you.
INTERVIEWER
Please leave.
(The WOMAN does not move and only clutches her rifle.)
Please leave or I will have you removed.
MAN
You did say you were looking for something in the way of a military relationship?
INTERVIEWER
This is not what I was talking about.
MAN
She looks pretty military to me.
INTERVIEWER
Are you leaving?
(The WOMAN smiles, turns slowly, as if she was on a modeling runway and walks past them and exits.)
MAN
What do you think?
INTERVIEWER
I think she has the juice.
MAN
What?
INTERVIEWER
Just an expression we have around here.
MAN
Well it sounded like you didn’t want her?
INTERVIEWER
We really don’t like guns here at our company offices.
MAN
So you can make them just don’t bring them to work sort of thing?
(Pause. The two men sit casually staring at each other. The MAN gives the INTERVIEWER a nod. The INTERVIEWER gives the MAN a nod.)
(Another pause.)
Another company I was operating in made a chemical compound that was an additive to food products that enhanced the taste. Unfortunately we found that once people started consuming the products they had an inability to stop gaining weight. Have you had that sort of a problem here?
INTERVIEWER
I heard about that but we don’t own any food products or additives here.
MAN
You look as though you may have consumed them though?
INTERVIEWER
I don’t know.
MAN
That would be unfortunate.
(Pause)
I mean your head would shrink form loss of brain and your body would fatten like a beach ball.
(Pause.)
You have to be concerned about that no?
INTERVIEWER
That’s enough.
MAN
Have you looked in a mirror lately? You said you went to the doctor. Did they notice if you had put on any weight while they were checking your ears?
INTERVIEWER
I did put on a few pounds.
MAN
See! You may be in trouble man!
INTERVIEWER
Don’t say that.
MAN
Ok. But we should stay alert and pay attention to how your products affect you.
INTERVIEWER
I thought I made clear that we don’t make food products here?
MAN
Yes.
(Pause)
What do you make here?
INTERVIEWER
Not important to this interview. We’ll tell you what we make at just the right time.
(Pause. INTERVIEWER uncrosses his legs and crosses them the other way.)
We have the people who research what are the right audiences for those who would be the best buyers of our products. They plan on getting the buyers to take some action. Then once they are taking an action they plan on how to get the buyers to continue buying by studying their behavior. Through the Media, you know, the Media, they use repetition to increase consumption of the products. The man who runs the organization is Mr. Wipo.
MAN
I’ve heard of him.
INTERVIEWER
Yes. He is well known.
MAN
So that is what it takes. How are you going to get the word out about what is happening here?
INTERVIEWER
I don’t understand?
MAN
People must know what is happening here, between you and me.
INTERVIEWER
I don’t think so.
MAN
I’m sure of it.
(MAN looks out at the audience.)
In fact I’m positive.
(Pause.)
We probably don’t have to worry about them.
(The MAN turns back and faces the INTERVIEWER. Enter the NATIVE. The MAN and the INTERVIEWER freeze.)
NATIVE
The noise of passing feet
On the prairie.
They are playing a game
As they come,
These men.[iii]
(The NATIVE exits looking back as he says his last two words.)
(The two men unfreeze.)
Something has changed about you.
INTERVIEWER
What?
MAN
About the way you are conducting this interview. It seemed like when we first started you were in control. It doesn’t seem like that anymore.
INTERVIEWER
I don’t know what you mean about control. I still do decide if we are going to hire you or not.
MAN
I think we are passed that.
INTERVIEWER
You don’t want to work here.
MAN
I don’t think that is what this is about. This is about you and your future.
(Pause.)
You’re changing right before my eyes.
(Pause.)
Have you thought a prayer?
INTERVIEWER
This is something we don’t discourage. We covered this already at the beginning of the interview.
MAN
I don’t think we talked about how you pray.
INTERVIEWER
This is something that is not up for discussion here.
MAN
Not even if you were losing your brains, your head was shrinking and your body was blowing up like a grapefruit?
(INTERVIEWER shakes his head. The WOMAN enters dressed the same as before, in camouflage, carrying her rifle. The INTERVIEWER uncrosses his legs.)
Hey! I knew you would come back. You guys are always around when we need you. I mean I like to change things but you, you, really like to change things.
WOMAN
What’s going on here.
INTERVIEWER
GET OUT!
MAN
You can stay.
WOMAN
(Takes a long look at the INTERVIEWER.)
What’s wrong with him?
INTERVIEWER
What are you talking about?
MAN
I told you! Your brains are running out of your head.
(The INTERVIEWER starts to get up. The WOMAN raises her rifle and points it at him.)
INTERVIEWER
What do you think you’re doing? You can’t point that at me.
MAN
You can point it at him.
WOMAN
(She is looking down her rifle at the INTERVIEWER.)
That is some real sick stuff. You see his body?
(The INTERVIEWER feels his body and his head.)
We have to stop it.
MAN
I think you better pray now.
INTERVIEWER
This is outrageous. What are you doing!
MAN
Better pray.
(The WOMAN gets closer to the INTERVIEWER and aims her rifle at point blank range.)
I think you should pray. Your company would want you to.
INTERVIEWER
I won’t do it! I can’t do it!
MAN
Not even with a gun pointed at your head?
INTERVIEWER
It is not in the manual.
(The WOMAN appears that she is going to fire her rifle.)
WOMAN
He is dissolving. There soon will be nothing there.
(Pause.)
(They freeze.)
(MUSIC: Shawnee Sioux War Dance[iv] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoSz-9JkavI )
(MUSIC fades.)
(Lights fade on them to black.)
(GHOST VOICEOVER: Sound of a deep breath through the nose.)
GHOST
The odor of death
I discern the odor of death
In front of my body.[v]
(GHOST VOICEOVER: Sound of a deep breath through the nose.)
THE PLAY ENDS
[i] “Our entire way of life will change—but it will never die, because it is of the spirit. It is a truth, and truth cannot die.” —White Wolf, Crow
[ii] Native American Indian Remembrance (War Song) (Music)
[iii] Chippewaw War Song
[iv] Shawnee Sioux War Dance (Music)
[v] Chippewaw Death Song